been down the past few days. completely lost. regretting my actions for the past two years for taking life too lightly back then. and this is the consequence i have to face now. isnt it too late to say it all now? i used to say tt i wont make it to uni way before i got to any jc. cuz in the first place i dont wanna go to a jc. my parents forced me to and i told myself then tt i wont make it to uni. so here i am now and it's already proven. tis is what i asked for......
guess i don't stand a chance to get into uni at all.. got a letter fm one uni already n my application have been rejected. hope i can get into d other uni.. *cross fingers* but what d hell its not the end of the world yet..
my motherly instincts was aroused when i stepped in the kandang kerbau hospital tis afternoon..juz look at those tiny lil cute things cuddled up in their mummy's arms.. awww... they look so innocent with their eyes so shut. i bet they must smell really baby-ish. ohhh i love the smell of babies!!! and there are even dads who play with their lil ones.. aint tt sweet?? isnt it nice to have ur own babies? walking down the kkh aisle with tt big tummy looking thru the glass panels for tt oh-so-cute baby jumpers, mittens, strollers, toys?
uh-huh.. i wasnt there to see a doctor for myself.. but i accompanied my 7-mth pregnant cousin for a check up. but behind all tt sweetness and joy (urm not u joy.. hehe) of havin a lil one is so god damn EXPENSIVE!! OMG!! consultation fees can catch up to abt $70 for a single session. hey n tt's just for those monthly check ups which in total for abt 8 to 9 mths! besides tt, u still have to pay the hospital bills once u delivered the baby! and it doesnt end there.. u gotta buy milk bottles, nappies etc etc.. i guess it not tt simple aft all to b a mother. oh yarr! not to mention labour pains!! ouch! but then again, i think all tt.. erm shall i say suffering? for nine whole mths is so worth it.. i wanna have babies!! but not now of cuz!! DUH!!
wonder what my babies will look like.......................
hope tis summer season will be over soon!! its getting very humid..
well didnt do much today.. went for tuition at yishun and then went for a not-so-comfortable-walk under the hot sun with my baby. thot of spending a lil more time with him since we didnt have our usual meet up every wkend once he booked out fm his camp. but then my parents were in tt area so they picked me up. i miss him.. well he actaully slept thru d whole saturday. poor baby.. he must be really shagged after those training sessions.
yea so my parents then drove to my cousin's place.. and guess what? i actually played Xbox w her son and i lost to him!? a 5 year old kid?! hm.. well there's nothing more i can say. in fact i had a gd time playing those games.. haha.. feels gd to be like a kid again. being a kid is so wonderful!!! no worries, no stress at all.. all u can think of and do is PLAY!! great huh??
OMG!! d heat is draining me!!! i feel so tired now even tho i didnt do anytin strenous. only went out in d evening w my parents to get my shampoo for thinning hair.. so sleepy n my body is aching.. help!
hey urm sorry i didn't update my blog last nite.. was too tired aft i came back fm tuition n watched american idol, talked to my baby n i konked out right aft tt. giving tuition can be quite a drag. sitting w ur tutee for 1.5 hrs and hey i had 2 lessons last nite. but then again sometimes these kids r really fun to b with. they would complain abt sch and how their teacher sucked. haha. its really amusing to hear what they hav to say.. maybe i was like tt when i was still schoolin huh? but aft i graduated fm sch, i finally realise tt its not my teachers' fault i didnt do my best. my mind was set such tt sch was just an obligation and every single day i can hardly wait til the day ends. wat else can i do aft sch? go home n get tt much needed nap.. haha. well i remember those days when they used to remind us to keep doin our TYS even if there wasnt any homework. hmm but i didnt take their advice. but really, if i had listened to them, i could hav prolly done better. yup, so i was trying to tell my tutees i hv been in their shoes n tried to knock some sense into them but... hm..
and well i had a great conversation with my baby last nite.. he was oh-sooo-sweet!! :) i asked him how the hell he could fall in love w me.. (wokays yea some of u might not wanna read tis huh? yea yea i noe ur hair is standing now but i'm still gonna write about tis anyway!) actually i knew there was another girl he made friends w at the time when we just got to know each other. so yup my question was if he'd actually made a choice between the 2 of us. haha.. erm well it was rather a long conversation so i'll cut it short. yup he was sayin tt the other girl wasnt in the picture at all..(he meant sumtin like he had no speacial feelings for her) it was funny when he said tis:-
he was on the phone w tt girl and so he put down the phone w/o hanging up and went to the kitchen to make himself a drink. (well the girl didnt noe he was off the phone actually) and when he came back to pick up the receiver, she was still blabbering non-stop.) LOL!! jokes man!!
anyway, he decided he had to confess his feelings for me. tt was when my cousin broke up w his friend. cuz we got to noe each other thru my cousin n his friend. so he thot its better tt i knew what's inside him cuz he doesnt want our fiendship (then) to juz fade away like tt.. and he didnt make any choice at all..
isnt he sweeeeet?? i love my baby so so much!!!!!!
i think i'm puttin on weight.. can practically pinch my fats ard my ass.. erm i mean my waist. well it all comes fm d ass rite? hm now i'll hv a huge, wide ass! (no not like j.lo's.. but if it is it'll b a gift fm god.. HELL YEAH!) oh n i'm puttin on a tummy too.. tis is all due to too much bumming ard at home. yup being jobless n all. ok tt's it i'm goin for a jog tmr mornin!
anyway today's a very very boring day.. thank god there ain't much food at hm or else i'll be snacking 24/7. ohh but i finished up abt 1/4 pint left on ben&jerry's choc chip cookie dough ice cream!!! MmmmMMmm.... *slurp* heheh and there's one more pint of choc ice cream still in d freezer!! haha!! and now i feel like havin waffles at waffletown. a new outlet juz opened near my house at a walking distance. great huh?
well guess i dun hav anything else to say now.. going.. gone.
bored.. bored.. bored.. another worthless day. stayed at home and only left the house at 7pm to give tuition. my sleep was very much undisturbed tis morn cuz all tt noise made fm tt diggin machine, excavator, is gone!! yay! finally i can sleep peacefully n i didn't get woken up so early in d morn by tt noise.. haaaaa... wonder when these construction works next to my block will end. they have been diggin up d ground since before my As exam. every time i look out of my window, i'll be able to see an area being dug up - deep. gosh it reminds me of d nicoll highway incident.. argh! ok ok don't panic..
staying at home most of the time doin nothin is such a waste of time. i'd rather be in school doin sumtin, at least play a game of bridge w my frens, apart fm studyin. haha.. but when it comes to sch, which idiot looks forward to exams? scanning the channels all day long n being a couch potato is bad bad bad!! i need to read sumtin - sumtin useful n which will also broaden my knowldge.. haha but i'm all to lazy to do tt.. too lazy to go out to d library; n transport still requires money which at tis pt of time i'm not earning much anyways.. maybe i should go jogging in d morn.. erm.. but i shall see about tt.. i'm such a lazy pig!!
well at least not today.. did sumtin to past my time in the aftie. i managed to clean up my room after.. hmm.. lemme see.. more than a month?? yea yea i'm disgusting.. got myself some detergent n a piece of cloth n i wiped off the 1cm dust accumulated at those hard-to-reach areas. yuck! but its my room anyway.. who's gonna clean it if i don't? hee n i'm so happy now my room is soo clean!! :D oh n its tidy too!!
i love my room...!!!
hi all!! welcome to my blog!! hah tt's so lame.. anyway i never ever imagined to have my own blog. thot is was an avenue to let d whole world know what u feel.. thot it was dumb to actually write sum sort of a diary where everybody can have acess to it.. *blurgh* and here i am now contradicting myself by creating one. sheesh.. well i guess i am too bored rotting half my life away so i'd rather do sumtin rite?
i dun really have a lot to say but recently i've been thinking.. ever since my mind got transported back into the secondary school days. hmm.. why does it all have to happen? those days could have been so much better.. why was i ever made into someone who had a load of responsibility on my back but at the same time i felt so insignificant? i knew i didnt perform my best to have a chance and make it better.. and everytime i see those ppl who hv guided n educated me thru'out those years, i didnt have the strength to look up n look into their eyes n be sincere.. nor at least happy to see them. i have never felt welcomed every time i step my feet into tt all once very familiar surroundings. is it just me or tt i had done so badly tt they all look down on me now? well isnt it too late to regret now?
i'm glad i've moved on w my life.. got a new environment to fit in right aft secondary sch, got myself a wonderful bunch of friends, found THE ONE who is n will always be there for me.. and now its been 2 years since tt day.. i didnt even want to assoiciate myself w tt purple-skirt sch. (tt was what i thot right aft i graduated fm sec sch) but then again i wasnt being thankful to those who had given me d knowledge to move on in life..
oh wells too much negative thinking aint gd for my health.. haha
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It is not time or opportunity that isto determine intimacy;-- it is disposition alone. Seven years wouldbe insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others. *FaeryVixen*
